Here are 7 Tips... Enjoy!
1. LOVE YOURSELF, ROCKSTAR!
WHAT?!
I know, not easy when you’re pouring over every wrinkle, every ounce of fat and your Itty Bitty Shitty Committee is yelling obscenities at you.
HERE’S THE SHORTCUT:
The greatest love we can have is to sit with ourselves through the tough times.
With oodles of love and understanding.
It’s easy when the going’s good, friends are plentiful, and you’re on a fairytale vacation.
It’s harder when there’s more month than money, your car just died and you feel totally out of control.
Hardest of all though, aren’t those outside things at all, they’re our inner demons.
How do we stay with ourselves when we want to stuff down 12 donuts, drink ourselves into oblivion, lose ourselves on facebook and other people’s lives all night long, for no particular reason, other than we don’t like ourselves much.
The secret to loving you is so simple that most people miss it completely.
To sit quietly with yourself. As you would with a dog that’s terrified to come close. No judgment. Knowing it’s ok to be imperfect. You’re just there to be with you.
THAT'S LOVE.
And for most people, it’s the hardest thing in the whole wide world. That simple ‘being’.
Because we learned it isn’t ok to be us. From birth we learned to people-please in order to belong
Here’s the other secret no one tells you:
When you’re terrified to sit with you, don’t worry, don’t push it. Instead, sit with your TERROR. It’s enough. In fact, it’s everything!
And it IS sitting with you of course!
You ALWAYS get to:
‘Dance with your shadow and love your way back home.’
No perfection, no right or wrong, no judgment, just understanding, acceptance of wherever you happen to be, and a wild crazy love for yourself!
When we do this, our demons cease to be fed and slink off into the night!
Then we get to ‘do the dos’ instead of losing:
Do the stuff we want to do, instead of losing ourselves in the fog of running.
Looking into this relationship stuff, you’ll often find self-love isn’t just number 1 on the list, but numbers 1-7 as well.
It really IS THAT important, although there are some other obstacles you need to overcome along the way too.
HERE ARE SOME SECRETS MANY MISS...
2. SWITCH THAT **CKER OUT!
When we do this, our demons cease to be fed and slink off into the night!
We all have them, those so-called ‘faulty’ PICKERs that have us attracting the nutso Romeos and Juliettas. It’s as if we have ‘PSYCHO APPLY HERE’ branded on our foreheads.
EXCEPT THERE’S NOTHING FAULTY ABOUT YOUR PICKER AT ALL
It’s working just fine, just as it always has.
Finding someone who’ll feed your particular need/ addiction to a specific type of hurt, lack, absence, pain; seeking love from those who can’t love you in the way you so desperately need to be loved.
Ohhh, we pick the cast of our lives so well…..
‘If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always got’
Once we see the pattern of the picker disaster we can pick ourselves a whole new picker faster than it is to say,
‘I am not a quitter; my picker had a hiccup and I’ve become a quick picker fixer’
YOU get to shut down the entire REACTIONARY movie production of your life. That GREAT EPIC, complete with DRAMA and its own SOUNDTRACK, and begin living FOR REAL
All this picker stuff means we need...
3. CLARITY
To quit hurting, means you need to know how you’re getting into these pickles in the first place.
What are the patterns you’re repeating?
What are these abandonments, these areas of spectacular lack that you’re seeking so desperately and valiantly to repair at any cost?
We all have our breaking points. We all have our boundaries. For some, it’s ‘simply’ not feeling valued.
For others, it’s not being cheated on. Or hit. Or playing second fiddle to booze, gambling, drugs, painkiller addiction, workaholism, etc.
Some will stay until they’re mentally and physically broken.
It doesn’t matter where you are. Or how much you’ve hurt in the past. The answers are the same. The way out is the same. It’s all possible, big or small.
Know this.
The more you’ve taken, the more you’ve hurt, been abandoned, through your whole life, from way back when…
Know you aren’t weak. Not one bit. You’re a survivor. A fighter. You’re reading this and making it happen. And it will. We’ll get there together.
Take a look at you’re patterns that come straight through from childhood. Your mom and dad. How do/did they relate to one another? What were you desperately seeking from either one of them? How has this translated into your intimate relationships? What are the recurring themes you’ve seen for yourself?
4. CRUMBS AND ROLLER COASTERS
We do it all for a crumb of belonging.
We rock it at first.
Then we throw ourselves away for a crumb, a text, to be held through the night.
We climb onto the roller-coaster of other people’s lives.
When they text, you breathe a sigh of relief and your life feels great.
When they don’t, you want to crawl under a rock, imagining you matter to no one.
Very real, but totally untrue of course!
Your self-worth never depends on whether Mr or Ms Hot-But-No-Doubt-Flawed-Themselves texts you.
Get really clear. What IS it you needed, and never had?
What void does their text really fill?
Not to party poop… or blow it up with psychoanalysis, but seriously, the wild heart flutter or devastating despair at the random text thing needs a dab of perspective.
Maybe you’re the one throwing the crumbs or driving the rollercoaster. Maybe you have a terror of intimacy? Or maybe you’ve spotted a Batso Crazy and aren’t quite sure how to run for the hills…
We must meet these needs for ourselves. No one can ever do it for us.
But it isn’t as hard as it sounds. Even after a lifetime of people-pleasing and repeating patterns. We’ll unravel it!
5. HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF YOU WERE IN THIS RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU?
Look back at other relationships, you may have been in the opposite role there. Available or unavailable, we tend to play both sides at different times.
Would you run from you?
What advice would you give to you?
If you just told yourself to get a life, get clear (and super kind!)
How come you haven’t got one already? What’s hurting?
Obviously getting a life means sorting through PAIN!
Sometimes it feels easier to beg for crumbs than to get a life.
Let’s look at what you need to do outside of the relationship in order to heal and get your confident and sexy back!
6. BALANCE IT BABY
If you make your relationship the ONLY thing in your life, guess what you become…
SCARY!!!
Yep, that’s right! How does it feel when someone gives their whole world to you?
Aaaaaaaggghhh
No pressure right…
You’d run for the hills before being smothered.
So best not to do it to others ?
BUT HOW?
First, look at these different areas of your life:
Friends | Family | Career | Hobbies and Interests | Exercise | Contribution | Growth
You need to balance them all.
One of the most interesting paradoxes in life is that the more we give to ourselves, the more others give to us.
7. FEEL IT, BABY!
Who do you need to be to attract the person you most want in your life?
It’s about the vision….
Journal it, vision board it. Then begin to live it!
Here are 7 Tips... Enjoy!
1. LOVE YOURSELF, ROCKSTAR!
WHAT?!
I know, not easy when you’re pouring over every wrinkle, every ounce of fat and your Itty Bitty Shitty Committee is yelling obscenities at you.
HERE’S THE SHORTCUT:
The greatest love we can have is to sit with ourselves through the tough times.
With oodles of love and understanding.
It’s easy when the going’s good, friends are plentiful, and you’re on a fairytale vacation.
It’s harder when there’s more month than money, your car just died and you feel totally out of control.
Hardest of all though, aren’t those outside things at all, they’re our inner demons.
How do we stay with ourselves when we want to stuff down 12 donuts, drink ourselves into oblivion, lose ourselves on facebook and other people’s lives all night long, for no particular reason, other than we don’t like ourselves much.
The secret to loving you is so simple that most people miss it completely.
To sit quietly with yourself. As you would with a dog that’s terrified to come close. No judgment. Knowing it’s ok to be imperfect. You’re just there to be with you.
THAT'S LOVE.
And for most people, it’s the hardest thing in the whole wide world. That simple ‘being’.
Because we learned it isn’t ok to be us, from birth we learned to people-please in order to belong
Here’s the other secret no one tells you:
When you’re terrified to sit with you, don’t worry, don’t push it. Instead, sit with your TERROR. It’s enough. In fact, it’s everything!
And it IS sitting with you of course!
You ALWAYS get to:
‘Dance with your shadow and love your way back home.’
No perfection, no right or wrong, no judgment, just understanding, acceptance of wherever you happen to be, and a wild crazy love for yourself!
When we do this, our demons cease to be fed and slink off into the night!
Then we get to ‘do the dos’ instead of losing:
Do the stuff we want to do, instead of losing ourselves in the fog of running.
Looking into this relationship stuff, you’ll often find self-love isn’t just number 1 on the list, but numbers 1-7 as well.
It really IS THAT important, although there are some other obstacles you need to overcome along the way too.
HERE ARE SOME SECRETS MANY MISS...
2. SWITCH THAT **CKER OUT!
When we do this, our demons cease to be fed and slink off into the night!
We all have them, those so-called ‘faulty’ PICKERs that have us attracting the nutso Romeos and Juliettas. It’s as if we have ‘PSYCHO APPLY HERE’ branded on our foreheads.
EXCEPT THERE’S NOTHING FAULTY ABOUT YOUR PICKER AT ALL
It’s working just fine, just as it always has.
Finding someone who’ll feed your particular need/ addiction to a specific type of hurt, lack, absence, pain; seeking love from those who can’t love you in the way you so desperately need to be loved.
Ohhh, we pick the cast of our lives so well…..
‘If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always got’
Once we see the pattern of the picker disaster we can pick ourselves a whole new picker faster than it is to say,
‘I am not a quitter; my picker had a hiccup and I’ve become a quick picker fixer’
YOU get to shut down the entire REACTIONARY movie production of your life. That GREAT EPIC, complete with DRAMA and its own SOUNDTRACK, and begin living FOR REAL
All this picker stuff means we need...
3. CLARITY
To quit hurting, means you need to know how you’re getting into these pickles in the first place.
What are the patterns you’re repeating?
What are these abandonments, these areas of spectacular lack that you’re seeking so desperately and valiantly to repair at any cost?
We all have our breaking points. We all have our boundaries. For some, it’s ‘simply’ not feeling valued.
For others, it’s not being cheated on. Or hit. Or playing second fiddle to booze, gambling, drugs, painkiller addiction, workaholism, etc.
Some will stay until they’re mentally and physically broken.
It doesn’t matter where you are. Or how much you’ve hurt in the past. The answers are the same. The way out is the same. It’s all possible, big or small.
Know this.
The more you’ve taken, the more you’ve hurt, been abandoned, through your whole life, from way back when…
Know you aren’t weak. Not one bit. You’re a survivor. A fighter. You’re reading this and making it happen. And it will. We’ll get there together.
Take a look at you’re patterns that come straight through from childhood. Your mom and dad. How do/did they relate to one another? What were you desperately seeking from either one of them? How has this translated into your intimate relationships? What are the recurring themes you’ve seen for yourself?
4. CRUMBS AND ROLLER COASTERS
We do it all for a crumb of belonging.
We rock it at first.
Then we throw ourselves away for a crumb, a text, to be held through the night.
We climb onto the roller-coaster of other people’s lives.
When they text, you breathe a sigh of relief and your life feels great.
When they don’t, you want to crawl under a rock, imagining you matter to no one.
Very real, but totally untrue of course!
Your self-worth never depends on whether Mr or Ms Hot-But-No-Doubt-Flawed-Themselves texts you.
Get really clear. What IS it you needed, and never had?
What void does their text really fill?
Not to party poop… or blow it up with psychoanalysis, but seriously, the wild heart flutter or devastating despair at the random text thing needs a dab of perspective.
Maybe you’re the one throwing the crumbs or driving the rollercoaster. Maybe you have a terror of intimacy? Or maybe you’ve spotted a Batso Crazy and aren’t quite sure how to run for the hills…
We must meet these needs for ourselves. No one can ever do it for us.
But it isn’t as hard as it sounds. Even after a lifetime of people-pleasing and repeating patterns. We’ll unravel it!
5. HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF YOU WERE IN THIS RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU?
Look back at other relationships, you may have been in the opposite role there. Available or unavailable, we tend to play both sides at different times.
Would you run from you?
What advice would you give to you?
If you just told yourself to get a life, get clear (and super kind!)
How come you haven’t got one already? What’s hurting?
Obviously getting a life means sorting through PAIN!
Sometimes it feels easier to beg for crumbs than to get a life.
Let’s look at what you need to do outside of the relationship in order to heal and get your confident and sexy back!
6. BALANCE IT BABY
If you make your relationship the ONLY thing in your life, guess what you become…
SCARY!!!
Yep, that’s right! How does it feel when someone gives their whole world to you?
Aaaaaaaggghhh
No pressure right…
You’d run for the hills before being smothered.
So best not to do it to others ?
BUT HOW?
First, look at these different areas of your life:
Friends | Family | Career | Hobbies and Interests | Exercise | Contribution | Growth
You need to balance them all.
One of the most interesting paradoxes in life is that the more we give to ourselves, the more others give to us.
7. FEEL IT, BABY!
Who do you need to be to attract the person you most want in your life?
It’s about the vision….
Journal it, vision board it. Then begin to live it!
